Reach Out, Don't Let Go, Flip My World on its Head Again
by Hikari-Chimedekina-Neko
Summary: Because something in him said that if he let Rin go now, with everything like this, he knew, just knew, that he might never be able to fix it. "IF YOU QUIT, THEN I'LL QUIT TOO!" - Angst RinHaru Oneshot with slight AU, cross posted from my Tumblr


Hahaha, I took a break from _Raise the Sky High_ and decided to attempt angst. Yeah, I don't know either. Maybe it's just how my brain has decided to get through my period.

Anyways, enjoy.

* * *

Haruka didn't understand.

Why was this happening? _How_ was this happening? Everything was wrong, and he couldn't control it.

_"I quit."_

It was an accident that they met at the train tracks. And he was just so happy to see Rin after so long without communication. He wanted to tell him about everything he'd missed; about the team, about mundane things, about—

Rin wasn't acting normal. Rin was supposed to be loud, clingy, and cheerful.

_What happened? Why are you hesitating? Why aren't you __**smiling?**_

And then _it_ happened.

It was just a race. It was supposed to be just a race. Winning hadn't ever meant anything to Haru. Rin knew that, had been annoyed, but never angry with it.

_**"I'm done swimming."**_

So, why was this happening?! Rin, who flipped his world on its head, who clung to him and badgered him onto the relay team, who showed him there was more to swimming, who was the first person he dared even let partially in—

Who ripped himself from Haru's grip, thowing away the very thing that connected them.

His mouth worked fast than his brain and screamed the first thing it could proccess.

Because something in him said that if he let Rin go now, with everything like _this_, he knew, just _knew,_ that he might never be able to fix it.

_"IF YOU QUIT, THEN I'LL QUIT TOO!"_

**That** had gotten Rin to freeze in his place. Haru had decided to continue to speak while his mind was still playing catch up. He's desperate, he'll do _anything_ at this point to keep Rin from doing what he just said.

"I didn't….! I wasn't….! I don't _understand!_ This wasn't… how it was supposed to be! It wasn't supposed to… to end up hurting! If I'd known… that my winning… meant that I'd end up hurting you… I would have never gone though with it!" Haru ignored the stinging in his eyes and the cracking of his voice. "And if… if it means that you won't… won't qu-quit… won't… be s-sad… o-or cry…. th-then I'll qu-quit swimming…! S-so, don't quit! _P-Please_…"

Haru had to pause, because he was having trouble breathing now, and he couldn't see either.

But, no matter how many breathes he took, or how much he tried to clear his eyes, his breathes came out as strangled sobs, and tears continued to pour.

"I-I… I-I'm s-s-sorry… I'm s-sor-rry…! I di-… didn't m-meant to…!" Haru couldn't continue anymore, even if he wanted to. His sobbing would render any more words incomprehensable.

And Rin stood there, his face turning from shock to utter _horror_ as he watched Haruka break down.

Had he done that?

Had he just caused the stoic, 'I only swim free', Nanase Haruka to _breakdown sobbing_ and say that he'd _**quit swimming**_ if it meant he didn't?

Did he actually have that kind of infuence over Haruka?

"H-Haru… Wha-…" Rin tried to say something, anything, but his brain couldn't think of anything. This was all to unreal. Part of him wanted to turn and flee. Flee from this terrifying sight _he_ caused. But, he couldn't. He was rooted in place, unable to look away from the sobbing raven haired boy.

Haru then mumbled out one last thing.

"S-Stupid… stupid Rin…! Why am I… a-always… swept up… in everything you do? I-It's not… f-fair…! I n-never… asked you… to get… c-close… to me…"

And it hit the redhead like a collapsing building.

'_Oh, god. Oh my god, Haru thought I was his __**friend**__ and I __**didn't even notice.**__ Oh god, I messed upImessedupImessedupsobadly-'_

"Ha… Haru… You never… Why didn't you ever _say anything!"_ Rin cried. "I thought that I was only an annoyance to you!"

"What _could_ I have said!?" Haru yelled back. "By the time I realized anything, you were already set to leave! It wouldn't have mattered!"

"Yes it would have!" Rin tried to reason. "I wouldn't have… I wouldn't have…. It's all my fault…" Now it seemed to be his turn to cry again.

"I messed up… I messed everything u-up…." Rin hiccuped. "I can't even… I tried so h-hard… and none of it even _mattered_! I couldn't even…. beat you!"

"Rin…?" Haru voiced cautiously. "What… do you mean?"

Rin looked at Haru. Both of them had tears either clinging to their lashes or still falling. Both weren't breathing completely normally, nor where their faces of normal color.

Both had layed themselves bare before the other.

"I…" Rin hesitated. He still didn't know if it was ok. To share his insecurity. To share his greatest failure to his friend.

He took one more look into Haru's blue, blue eyes, now tinted red and puffy. They shone with worry and curiousity and causiousness.

_When had his eyes become so expressive? Had they always been like that, and he had simply never noticed?_

The dam broke.

He spilled everything; how he did horribly, how he couldn't make any friends, how he realized how impossible his dream is.

How he realized that all he wanted was to swim with them. And that it was too late to fix any of it.

"Says who?!"

"E-Eh?" Rin stopped his monologue at Haru's outburst.

"If you want to come back, then come back! Come shove your way back in like the stupid, clingy, impulsive, crybaby you are!" Rin was about to protest the 'crybaby' part when Haru continued. "Come and keep flipping my world upside down like you always do."

Haru held out his hand to Rin, tears still drying on his lashes and face still flushed.

"Come back, and let me be the one to show you a sight you've never seen before."

"H-Haru…" Rin choked out, new tears brimming in his eyes.

And there, in that empty hall in an empty swim club on that brisk New Years, two boys rediscovered what it meant to be free.

"UWAAAAAHHHHH! I'M SORRY HARU!"

"O-Oi! Don't jump on me, idiot! And stop _crying_ already! God, you're so embarrassing!"

* * *

I still don't know how to write angst, maybe I'll stick with fluff.


End file.
